Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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