Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
