just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
