hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My liver just had a heart attack.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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