i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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