I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize