Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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