i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize