I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
