we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
