I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
