i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
