Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
