I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So much rum. So many feels.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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