she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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