We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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