I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
