You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize