just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
