My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
