My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
