I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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