I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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