The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
