Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
