just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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