a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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