ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Enjoy the penises
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
