With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
