24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
