Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
