she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Green mimosas i think yes
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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