and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
