i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
