My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
