I got chris browned last night
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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