Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
