I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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