she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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