i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She even gives head with a lisp.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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