i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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