We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
