Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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