All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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