Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize