I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
