I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
