the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
