Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
