Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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