some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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