So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
