you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
