I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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