Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
