I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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