i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
