Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
