How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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