So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
