If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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