I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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