I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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