Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
