I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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