am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
