I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
