Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
