I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
