There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
