i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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