Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This baby is an asshole
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
