got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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