Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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