Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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