I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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