what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
