YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
