the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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