I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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