Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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