It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
