Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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