Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
