I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
