I seem to have left my pride at pride
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Randomize
