Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
